Why can't it be more simple?

I went and saw Dr. Black here in Monticello today for my weekly appointment. Baby is measuring right on and heartbeat was 143. I talked to him for about a half hour about what I've been thinking and about meeting with Dr. Willis. He listened to me and was very understanding about what I had to say. I then asked him what he would do if he was in my place or if his wife was in my situation. He said that he thinks the best plan is to wait till next Monday to see if I'm dilating, or if anything has changed. If I am dilating or anything he said he'd give it another week to see if I can get to a 10 on a bishop's scale. He then said if by next Monday I'm not dilating or nothing has changed that he would just go with the scheduled c-section on the 9th. I feel like that might just be what I have to do.
The main reason being is that I'm am seriously stressing myself out so much with all the different thoughts and different outcomes that could happen. It is driving me crazy. So this is what I am thinking.. (I'll probably end up changing my mind again.) But as of today when Dr. Black checked me.. nothing had changed from when Dr. Willis checked me on Friday. So I'm going to try and be patient until next Monday and when I go see Dr. Black he will check me again. If my body hasn't started doing anything at all.. I'm going to probably give in and just have the scheduled c-section on Wednesday Feb. 9th. I really want to meet my baby girl.. I want to be able to sleep again, and walk normal again.

If by some miracle... or if it is meant to be and I do start dilating or showing some sort of progress.. I am going to give my body another week to see if I can get to where I need to be to have Dr. Willis induce me up north. I will probably go up there and stay so that I can have Dr. Willis keep checking me every couple of days. And then we'll just hope and pray that the VBAC will be successful. I kind of hate that it is all just going to be up to what my body does in the next week.. but if I don't make some sort of decision I'm going to drive myself crazy.

I know that everyone will have their own opinions, but I trust Dr. Black's opinion and I also trust what Dr. Willis has told me in the past. One of the things that really made me nervous about having another c-section is that some Dr.'s will tell you, you can only have like 3 kids if you have all c-sections. Dr. Willis has told me not to worry about that, and that he has had several patients that have had several c-sections. I guess you never really know what is going to happen in the future. And maybe I will only be able to have a certain amount of kids... but I just have to leave it in the Lords hands.. and be grateful for the children I am blessed with.
Right now I am really really wishing that we didn't live in Monticello. I hate that this hospital will not allow you to try a VBAC. I wouldn't need to make this decision if this dumb hospital would just allow it. It is very frustrating. But I can't change that.. no matter how much I wish I could.

I really don't know how much longer I can be pregnant. I have been very grouchy and snappy. I feel bad for Jonathon. I don't mean to be, but I'm just tired and emotional. If I walk for even 5 minutes my back hurts so bad. I hate hate complaining because I would never in a million years take away anything about this pregnancy. I think I am just so anxious and excited to finally meet Kinleigh. I know that Alexis wants to hold her sister so badly.. and I think that has a lot to do with my emotions. Even though I am complaining I am so so thankful and I feel so very blessed that we will get to welcome a new angel baby sometime soon! I am so excited to see what she looks like. I wonder if she will look like Alexis.. or if she'll look completely different. I'm assuming she will look like Lexi :)
Our little family is so blessed to have wonderful people in our lives.. and also have each other. I'm very thankful for my husband. He is amazing.. and so so good with Alexis. I can't wait to see him hold our new little one. The other night when I was up north and Jonathon was down here with Alexis, she got a really high fever. At one time he said it was about 102-103. VERY SCARY. He stayed awake all night just to watch her sleep and make sure she was okay. He's always been the calm, collective one when Alexis gets sick. He can use his brain.. and think about what is going to help. I just get really worried. I'm very lucky to have both Jonathon and Alexis in my life. I can't even imagine life without them. I hope that Jonathon can handle my grouchy, snappy self for a little bit longer. LOL